Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
