So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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