I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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