I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
