Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
