the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
