Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
