Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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