I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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