I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
