It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
