oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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