I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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