My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
