u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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