end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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