He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize