have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We are all done wearing pants today
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
