i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
