haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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