Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
