I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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