You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
