I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
