I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
