I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
