I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
