I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
