chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
