didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Randomize
