This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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