do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
