"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
