I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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