idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
