the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize