So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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