Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it's great music for shaving your balls
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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