I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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