apparently the secret to your success is patron
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
