Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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