how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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