I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
