**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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