I'm eating all of the evidence.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
