Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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