saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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