I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my being single is dangerous.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
