I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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