now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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