i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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