i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
