Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize