My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
