Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We need to get me chipped asap
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
