the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize