i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
