i need an iv and a liver transplant
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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