Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
