Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
