I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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