Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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