Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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