I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
