If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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