Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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